ZipSwap
by RenegadeEclipse93
Summary: A story that could have been, but wasn't. How it could have been, but isn't and pretty much a mix-up all around. Yes, confusing, read it and see. I'M NOT UPDATING TILL THERE ARE REVIEWS!


**Zip-Swap**

A very, very late birthday present for my sister, **Captain****Phantom****Glass.**

Happy Birthday Pansy!

Nothing is what it seems, but it is was it isn't, so there for it is.

Now dear readers keep that in mind as you read this AU story of what could have been if it was.

Alright, too much time in Under*coughWondercough*Land for me!

Also note: I have tried to keep to the script as faithfully as I could.

But something I'm afraid may have been lost in story translation.

Do tell if anything too major is missing.

Disclaimer: If I owned Alice in Wonderland...

1) Alice would have stay or came back after the credits or something!

There would have more Thackery, Mirana, Hatter and much, much less Ilosovic Stayne & that harpy Iracebeth.

More Alice/Hatter time!

Chapter One: That Rabbit needs a hat!

Life was boring, Tarrent Hightopp was sure of it.

Boring meetings, boring parties and boring people. He sighed. The only high point in his life was his tea, his rhyming and of course... He smiled, his hats.

They were what kept him sane. Whenever he could manage it that's were you would find him. Making hats in his makeshift millinery, to his Mother, Helen Hightopp's despair. She didn't understand, why he wanted to make the hats. you were only supposed to wear. Much less, talk about them in polite society!

"I don't see why we have to go." He grumbled.

She sighed. "We have discussed this"

He glanced acrossed the carriage, and winced as he saw his mother look up and take in his appearance for the first time that day.

"Tarrent, what on earth are you wearing!" She exclaimed.

"My clothes." He said weakly.

She blinked at him. "That is not the hat I had laid out for you." She bent over to fuss with it. Then sat up sharply. "And where is your waist coat!" Tarrent groaned inwardly as she continued. "You are not properly dressed."

"Who is to say if one is properly dressed or not." He said gloomily. "Besides, they probably wouldn't notice if we every showed up at all!" He perked up at the thought. "So since they won't notice, I can tell the driver to just turn the coach around!"

Helen resignedly leaned back in her seat. "They will notice." She frowned as she stared at his tired face. "You haven't been sleeping well again, have you." It was a statement instead of a question.

Helen Hightopp had for years, tried to find a way to help with her son's lack of sleep. Various medications, doctors, schedules and even climates. But it seemed that nothing help, except talking to his now deceased father, Charles Hightopp. Which of course, was no longer possible do to him being well, dead. She continued. "Is it the dream?"

He glanced out the window. "Its always the same dream." He paused thinking.

"Is that normal? Don't most people dream more than one dream?"

"I don't know." She said quietly.

Then, taking her necklace off, she lead forward and tied it around Tarrent's own neck. "Your father gave this to me after you were born. It is what the Hightopp's give to the women they love."

Quirking an eyebrow he asked. "Then why didn't he give it to you when you married?"

With a slight smile she said. "Because he'd lost it."

Tarrent snorted, and looked back out the window, with a slightly less depressed air about him. "Now." She leaned forward, brushing his wild curly red hair back lovingly. "Smile, everything will be fine." Tarrent grumbled but did as he was told. "There's my handsome boy." She said returning the gesture with a frayed smile & worried eyes as she watched him play with the ring box, heart full of concern for her spirited boy.

When they finally appeared, Lord & Lady Ascot met them immediately. "Your late." Lady Ascot glowered at them. "We were beginning to wondering, if you were ever going to arrive." Then the hawk-eyed woman turned her eyes on Tarrent. "Tarrent, Hilda is waiting to dance with you. Go." She commanded. Tarrent hastily, scurried away from the woman and her down trodden husband.

Hilda, it seemed was over on the other side of the dancing floor with her cronies, gaggling about something they found quite amusing. She held out a hand when she saw him approach, her little bland eyes narrowing. He grimaced, as he felt them sink their hooks into his very soul. "Tarrent." She said. "Dance the quadrille with me. He nodded reluctantly, and let her drag him onto the dance floor.

As they lined up, Hilda glared at his head and Tarrent internally cringed.

When the dance started, the verbal confrontation started.

"Have you ever thought of doing something for your... strange hair?" She asked.

Trying to keep his emotions flat lined, he gave a half smile. "I have and unfortunately, it seems almost impossible." He paused. "Strange, my father used to tell me that sometimes he believed six impossible things before breakfast." Hilda's face turned into a maze of lines and general distaste dripping off her tongue as she replied. "Why would you ever do something so useless?" Tarrent's eyes flared at the comment, turning yellow-green combination that was quickly smothered into an unnatural light green. He concentrated on leading her around the floor, when he saw the most ingenious plumes on a bird flying in the sky and almost stopped dead. Another man bumped into him before Hilda almost pulled him off his feet, moving him forward. "Apologies!" Her shrill voice called out. "Mr. Hightopp is distracted today." Yanking on his arm she snarled. "Where is your head?"

Tarrent started. "Sorry I was just wondering what kind of hat those magnificent, marvelous, nay melodious plumes would look best upon. And it was on my shoulders last time I looked in the mirror." She frowned. "What?"

"Why would you ever think anything like that?" She pasted on a blank expression and continued. "In the future, it would be wise to keep such thoughts to yourself. When in doubt, remain silent." He was slightly abashed by that. But what could he expect out of a girl raised by a heartless tyrant. Speaking of which. He saw out of the corner of his eye Lady Ascot gesture expectantly at Hilda who in turn said to him. "Tarrent. Meet me in five minutes in the gazebo." And then walked away with anymore ado.

As he walked off stunned of course the Chatterway twins decided to pounce.

"We have a secret." Yellow twin said.

Already weary of their games he said. "Well if you tell me it won't be one." "Exactly," Blue twin replied. "Therefore we shalln't."

He counted to ten and said. "You've started and now you should tell." They both grew a conniving smile

"No we shouldn't." That was the blue one again.

"In fact we won't." Yellow twin decided to add. Tarrent move to his last resort when dealing with these two: blackmail. "I wonder if your mother knows you swim naked in the Havindish's pond?" He said.

Their faces drained. "You wouldn't." The blue twit gasped.

Briefly, he wondered about their speech pattern. Did they practice this, or did it come naturally out of always being together and what about their mental development? Wouldn't this somehow, stop either of them actually being able to exist by their selves? He stopped his nonverbal wanderings, to continue.

"Oh, yes I would." Their faces grew horrified. He pointed across the lawn. "There's your mother now."

One of the girls squeaked. "Hilda is going to make sure you ask for her hand today!"

Tarrent stood there slack jawed until he felt an arm grab him. "Arrg! You ruined the surprise!" Then the person, who he saw that it was his sister Margaret, hauled him off.

"Oh I could just strangle those two." Tarrent blinked. "Does everyone know?" "Of course." She for some reason started to reassure him. "It's all been planned. This is your engagement party." She said with a wide gesture. He made a gargling sound, as he search for some words to tie together. "But I don't know if I want to marry Hilda!"

She spun him to face her sharply. "Of course you do. That handsome face of yours won't last forever and can expect to do any better than a Lord's daughter. Why with that nasty Hamish dying last year you'll inherit the title." She started walking again and continued more calmly. "You'll marry Hilda, make Lord. Inherit the company when you come of age and be just as happy as me and Lowell and your life will be perfect." Tarrent made a face, Lowell. If Margaret thought that Hamish was nasty she didn't truly know the nature of her husband. He made Hamish look like a candidate for wings & a halo.

Suddenly terrifying mother in law prospect swooped in front of them. "Tarrent," Margaret & Tarrent froze. "Shall we have a little stroll around the garden?" Somehow that question that sounded like a command from Lady Ascot. Was frightening coming from the woman who raised the girl he was reportedly going to propose to. Margaret & Tarrent exchanged looks as he left with the most horrifying woman in all Christendom.

As they walked through the garden Lady Ascot finally said. "Do you know what I fear most?" Tarrent put on his most innocent face and quip "The fall of aristocracy?"

She scowled at him momentarily then put on a pleasant face again. "Ugly grandchildren."

Tarrent raised an eyebrow. If Hilda was his daughter, he would just take it for granted that they would be absolutely horrible looking, but if the woman wanted to hope, who was he to tell her different. She did the equivalent of her version of a small smile. "But I don't have anything to fear, you're sure to produce little IMBASOLS! Tarrent seeing which was the conversation was tuning her out until the last bit. "Huh?"

She answered, not turning her eyes from the offending object that incurred her wrath. "I told them to plant red roses." Humorously he said. "You could always paint the roses red." She narrowed her gaze on Tarrent. "What an odd thing to say." She ushered him forward and continued the previous topic. "Now Hilda has a weak constitution and needs a change in climate often. A residents on the continent and estate by the seashore will do for when you first marry." Tarrent closed his eyes painfully at that thought. Marriage to Hilda would be awful. Always having to... Then he heard rustling noise in the bushes, he frowned, opening his eyes. "Also she must have anything she wants or it could set off a fainting spell." Lady Ascot said oblivious to the fact that Tarrent wasn't listening anymore. He saw a flash of white fur, with long ears.

"Did you see that?" He said. "See what." She said annoyed. "The white rabbit." he said. She snorting she replied. "Rabbits, filthy creatures, like to sick the dogs on them." Before he could respond that he saw it again. "Did you see it that time?" he said excitedly. "Don't shout!" She scolded. "Hilda said you were easily distracted." She started walking again. "Now were was I?"

"Hilda has a weak constitution." He said monotoned."Yes and you must be careful to..." Tarrent lost the last bit of the sentence due ti seeing a white rabbit in a waistcoat tapping a pocket watch at him. His jaw dropped momentarily. He shook his head and rush after it. "Would you excuse me? I could be more interested, but I really must go." He called back to the sputtering woman behind him.

As he flew around the corner, chasing after the thing, he almost ran into a sitting crazy aunt Imogene. Figuring that the best one to ask if he was going mad or not, was someone who was, he stopped short and said. "Aunt Imogene, I think I'm going mad! I'm seeing a white rabbit in a waistcoat!" He paused. "Although he would look better with a hat." He muttered. Aunt Imogene flicked her fan at him.

"I don't have time for stories about your fancy rabbit. I am waiting for my fiancé." Tarrent blinked. "You have a fiancé?" Aunt Imogene nodded. "He's a prince. But alas he can't marry me because he'd have to abdicate the throne. It's tragic."

Tarrent, seeing that talking to her was useless, started to back away, until he saw the rabbit again ran after it. He was right on its tail, when he heard something else in the bushes.

Peaking his head through, he saw his sister's husband Lowell being a little too familiar with a woman's mouth, who most certainly, not his sister. "Lowell." He growled, out from the back of his throat. The girl, who Tarrent saw was not much older than him, seeing that they were discovered, ran off

"T-tt-Tarrent." The slime pot stuttered. "Hattie's just an old friend."

"Is the lass now." Tarrent burred.

Lowell smiled nervously. "You won't tell Margaret. She'll never trust me again. You, don't want to ruin her marriage."

Tarrent lunged his right fist, at the scoundrel's jaw and felt the recoil as it connected. Lowell fell to the ground in a sprawled out. "You pompous, no good SLURVISH FRUMIOUS GUMMER MARJOGG BAR MINM EGG BIMMNI!

"Tarrent!" a shrill voice sounded.

The interruption made him freeze, back to his normal contained self. Tarrent noticed that Lowell looked frightened than he should, then he realized that it had happened again. He sighed and chanted the saying. "Its only because of the dreams, its only because of the dream."

"TARRENT!" He winced. Hilda came around the bend of the shrubbery. Mouth open to send forth another ear splitting summons when she saw him.

Swooping down on him. She grabbed his arm. "There you are." She said annoyed.

Before he could figure out what was happening, or what to do for that louse of a man, Lowell, she had dragged him off to the gazebo and stood there, watching him expectantly. Not sure what was happening, he stood there, anxiety growing as he saw that everyone, including his family had gathered there. Watching, like it was some charming play unfolding in front their eyes, to keep them entertained until it was time for tea & crumpets. He wanted to scream _'This__is__my__life,__I__don't__understand__what's__going__on__but__I__don't__like__where__this__is__going!'_

Of course Hilda was tired of waiting for whatever he was suppose to do and hissed at him. "Tarrent, you idiot! Kneel!" He blinked. Then said. "Oh yes,". As he scurried to do her bidding, muttering about putting something in the play goers tea.

He looked up at Hilda, not sure what she wanted and most disinclined to obey.

"Say it." He blinked again. "What?"

"Say it." She growled.

Searching around he grasped onto the first thing he saw. "Hilda-"

"Yes!" She interrupted. Tarrent stated plainly. "There's a caterpillar on your shoulder." And then he tried to keep a straight face while she shrieked. Then she started to wave her arms like a windmill. "Don't hurt it." He said. Trying to reach the poor thing, around Hilda's frantic gestures. Finally reaching it, he noted with curiosity that it was blue then, sitting it down on the railing, he muttered. "Lucky, you get to escape." So freeing one fellow victim of the Ascots, he returned to his former position, where he stayed there waiting for a hint. Which, Hilda was very inclined to give.

"Ask me now!" She spat at him. Finally very weary of the game he said. "Ask you what?"

"To marry me you imbecile!" Tarrent froze. Ask her now? In front of everyone? When he wasn't sure if wanted to? Trying to gather his thoughts he said. "Well you are a Lord's daughter, with the title go to whoever you marry, everyone expects me to, my looks won't last and I don't want to end up like..."

He looked at Aunt Imogene, who for some reason resembled an on wet poodle who had been sat on. _What__a__terrible__lace__cap__she's__wearing_. He thought.

The Ascots stood there looking smug on the Lady's part and vaguely interested on the proceedings on the Lord's. His mother slightly concerned but determined to look pleased. Then there was Margaret and the cheating slime of her husband. Thinking how blindly Margaret had married Lowell, he couldn't help but see the comparison, between that and what was rapidly becoming '_his'_ engagement. His mind went blank. Standing up, he stumbled over his words.

"I-i..." Then he heard it. The ticking of a clock. Spinning around, he saw the vision of a White Rabbit again. This time the Rabbit sat up, held up his pocket watch and tapped on it, looking at Tarrent like he was late for something. Taking a wild short-term leap out of the mess he was in, he heard himself say. "I need a moment."

Then he flew out the formal garden like a mad man, leaving everyone standing there mouths open like cod fish. Not only chasing after the Rabbit, but running from the frightening future being forced upon him. He blindly, galloped after the White creature out of the gardens, maze and into the outlining grounds that he vaguely remembered following Hamish through once.

Seeing the Rabbit disappeared behind an Old dead tree, he swooped around it. However, he found no trace of his quarry, just what seemed to be a rather large rabbit hole. Disappointed that it seemed that he had lost the trail, he leaned down towards the hole, hoping that there would be perhaps, some sign of where the Rabbit went. He stuck his head all but down the Hole to see, while grabbing some roots of the Tree for balance. Which in hindsight, wasn't most likely the wisest thing to hold onto as the Tree was, well... Dead.

Tarrent almost simultaneously regretted, his choice to do so, as they snapped immediately.

Which of course lead to him falling down the Rabbit hole. Which he was surprised to learn, was quite large for some reason, with nothing for him to grab onto to stop his fall. Then he thought that he saw a faint outline of a... Piano? Dodging it at the last minute, he saw that there was some sort of strange household furniture and such, scattered around the dirt walls of the hole. Ducking and swerving past anything that could hit him, he finally saw the bottom or at least thought was the bottom, of what he was now thinking was a tunnel of some sort. That was until he fell through it. Landing on what looked like the... _Ceiling?_

He sat up right next to the chandler, utterly confused as his hair went straight up as if he was sitting on the ceiling and the floor was...Suddenly he fell once again onto what he hoped was the floor this time, as he stood up he saw that he was in a circular room of doors. Rushing forward to get out, he found that they were all locked. Annoyed, he looked back behind him and found a table that he hadn't noticed before. Walking over to it he picked up the key that was lying there and began trying the locks. After the key failed to unlock any of the doors he saw a curtain. Running over to it. He pulled it back and there was a small wooden door. Trying as there was nothing else to do. The key not only fit, but also unlocked it.

Making the door swing open. But no matter how he tried there was way he was fitting through the doorframe; he sat back and watched as the door shut. Trying to find anything to help he went back over to the table. There was a clear bottle, full of something with a label that said._'DRINK__ME'._

Opening it he caught a whiff of the smell. "Oomph... Well, it's only a dream."

Taking a swing, he coughed and felt himself S_hrinking?_He was shrinking! As he swiveled his head around like mad, he found himself practically swimming in a pile of his own clothes, as everything around him seemingly grew. Reaching for some of the fabric, he made a makeshift outfit that would do for the moment and crawled out staring. Everything was so big! Well at least he could fit through the door now, but it had locked itself back, and he of course, had left the key onto of the table. Trying to reach it, which he found impossible, he discovered a small container under the table next to him.

As he shuffled over to it something unheard said. "You'd think that he'd remember this from first time."

"You've brought the wrong 'Atter." A high-toned voice declared.

"He's the right one, I'm certain of it." Another replied.

Reaching inside there was a large cake that said. _'EAT__ME'._Thinking that it might help he took a huge bite of it, after all, don't all things in dreams do. Then proceeded to grow so tall, that his head not only hit the ceiling, but also went past it so that he had to bend over.

"He's the wrong 'Atter!" The high voice demanded.

"Give him a chance." The third pleaded.

Gathering his wits, Tarrent leaned over and grabbed, both the key and the bottle and drank more of the awful stuff. Holding tight to the key, as he shrunk again, he secured his new 'clothes and went back over to the door, this time, the _Right__Size_ and with the _Key_. Unlocking the door, it swung open to a strange place that was defiantly, not part of the Ascots garden.

Sorry that this was so monotonous, it felt to me like someone was scratching their finger nails across a chalk bored to write until the last part, but I thought that I should try to follow the script for this part though.

They following chapters I will try to have more life to them, but they will follow the general plotline. Don't worry thought I will follow the plot with some adjustments to make up for the recasting of the roles. Easy enough, though, they still look like themselves. Hatter just doesn't look so chalky with the makeup and his hair is shorted and tamer since he has been living in London, oh and his clothes are not as colorful or as strangely cut. Yes he will act like the Hatter we all know and love, just give him time.

Plus he hasn't lost his family in this story, so the madness isn't as advanced and there isn't the great rage toward the red queen. That and any wild behavior he might have, has been severely quashed from childhood, so just bear with me on this.

And yes, I did kill Hamish off, what fun. !

…Well, I had to. He would have ruined the story.

Anyway... That's the first chapter.

Food for thought though…

If Hatter fell through the Rabbit Hole- who is at the tea table?

I know for the most part. But still, give me some ideas.

And, your thought on who is taking what was Hatter's place in the film?

Guess?

One final question though, should I continue, or is this story simply rubbish?


End file.
